words oh words :)

'whether you realize it or not, they work in very different yet similar ways.any sense?'

Howdy people :) How's the hols going? =) oops..wait..no offense to those still having their end of semester tests looming near =P Mine's been okay so far. To be fair, i can't complain. Yeah, i can't complain at all =) Well, it's not gonna be a long one this time round but here goes. There i was listening to songs one night, surfing the net away. One song elapsed another and before i knew it, my whole 'Top 25' Playlist was out. Being the usual repetitive self of mine, i listened to them again. And again, and again. Then it knocked me in the head. Songs are so powerful. The melodies, the meanings, the 'encrypted' messages. They all have a certain effect on us. When you listen to a song, whether u realize it or not, you get 'into' the song. It sways you on and puts you on some mood, the mood of the song. It then echoes into your soul, you listen. And you listen, and then it rings all over again in your head. Now, i said songs were powerful didn't i? Well, songs wouldn't be composed if there weren't any words in the first place. So now, words are powerful. Not only in songs do they make us feel senses of emotions, but in books and all other things we see everyday. In fact, one random word that arrests our eyes, catches our attention could shape how our day ahead would turn out to be, and i daresay, sometimes even the whole week ahead! Yes or no, you do the thinking ;) Everyone's what they believe in anyways =)

Driving down to KL tomorrow morning. Adieu people ;) For those on breaks, enjoy your vacations! and to those having their finals, all the best ;)

Signing out,

kyzd

rainy. rain. raining.

'when the raindrops never cease'

It's raining again. Yes, again. It's been raining since the semester break started. It's been exactly a week since i left KL. It was raining at the Subang Airport raining when i reached AS. And at this very moment, it's still raining. I can't help but to wonder, with the rain persisting every single day, that not a day had gone by sunny and bright, whether this is all a part of the norm ; whether it's just a part of the monsoon season every year, or it's..because..maybe...oh never mind. We all have our own interpretations. Since apologizing every single time i update the blog (if you'd noticed) wouldn't be such a good idea, i guess i'll just skip that part alright?

So, I've been doing okay. Well, to be honest, i've been better actually. But yeah, life goes on. Now let's go all the way back to the last time i updated my blog. And no, i'm not gonna drag all of it into this post but i'll just sum things up. Firstly, there was the KO-PLN night. Well, i know it's been some time ago, but yeah it's worth mentioning. It was a night when all the scholars in the college who were involved in this (Kurikulum Pelajar Luar-Negara) programme represented their groups in performances and all, just a night of celebrating the end of the programme. For some, it Ko-PLN activities are in the first semester. For the others, it only starts during the second semester. As for mine, it's been an experience worth gaining if you ask me. One thing's for sure, it taught me to never mess with time. Well, how did i even mess with time to start with? It's a long one, so yeah. Well, I was in one of the groups who performed on that night, and yeapm we definitely had fun :) Credits to everyone who performed that night, it was a job well done, not forgetting the spectators who played their part in bringing the house down as well ;) The video's below, so watch if you have the time aight? though it's really noisy, at least there's something =P

After that, there was the end of semester exams (way way after the performances.). Well, my weeks preparing for the exams were very, very 'librarish' if you'd ask me. I mean, i was literally in the library from morning to evening, and most of the time till night. Don't ask me if i studied the whole day, because honestly, i don't know. But one thing's for sure, i actually enjoyed myself in the library. It was kinda like solace in a way. So, no i'm not sick of the library. And again, no, i don't love the library. It's just fine in a very good way. So everyone buckled up and revised, revised, revised and revised and yada yada for the exams. About the exams, there were a little shaky for me to be honest, firstly because my time management during the papers were totally below par. But it's all done and dust now, so yeah, no point regretting or anything. But if there's one thing that i wanna change next semester, it's the hours that i spend studying. Hell, i hope i don't turn into a nerd next semester! heh..

Spent a few days in KL before coming back home as, well it was gonna be a long break anyways. One week into the break, i've actually pretty much done nothing for the past week. I mean, yeah i read novels, the papers (which i DON'T really get to in college =.=) , watched the Gunners, played basketball and all, but still, nothing worth mentioning actually. Oh well, at least i'm sleeping well xD that, i can't complain =P haha..Oh yeah, i'll be heading back to KL at the end of the month. Going to Hong Kong, Macau and then to China for a vacation :) Looking forward to it, though i've only just been to Hong Kong last year xD

Now, more to reflections. Er..how do i put this?..well, as usual, i've done quite a lot of thinking these few days. I mean, not that i don't think much during the normal days, but the holidays really gave me more time to be a lil' more analytical on how i see things. It gives me the chance to actually look into things that i don't even have time for in college. Heck, being analytical and observant is a good thing, but being too analytical, could really bring down the day for you if you don't know where to stop. A living proof - me. Okay, i thought a lot about everlasting beauty. or in other words, eternal bliss/ eternal beauty. Beauty as in the uniqueness in personality, physical or spiritual beauty, and anything that gives one an impression so special that he or she remembers it. Is there such a thing as eternal or everlasting/immortal beauty? Cause as far as i'm concerned, nothing last forever. Yeah, memories could last forever. But living on and on in different minds and hearts could only be considered 'partly immortal' right? Let's put this metaphor in the case of a sunset. It comes. and it goes. And i thought 'so every beauty has a beginning and an inevitable ending. Nothing last forever. We come. We go. End of story.'

But a good friend of mine told me 'Well, it's like the four seasons. There's always an underlying beauty in a fading beauty'

To be honest, yes, it struck me. It sorta put me through another strain of thoughts. Now, what do you guys think? eternal beauty? Yes? No? Well, till now, i can't be sure. But i know, there has to be a partial yes and no in it. That beauty stays alive in some things and in some things, they just fade away and are covered up in the sands of time.

And before i forget, i get a lot of people coming up to me telling me things like, ' What the hell are you talking about in your blog? I don't get you. I've read your post a few times but still, I don't get a thing.' . How do i respond? Well, i'll just smile and be satisfied. and why be satisfied you may wonder? Let's just say, if everything in life was at all straight-forward, then what's the point in living it at all? =) At least i know there's someone out there who thinks the way i do, and for that, once again, thank you er..miss V :) Will be updating more soon people. stay tuned ;)

enjoy :)

adieu,

kyzd

p.s - to those sitting for their end of sem tests soon [you know who you are =)], good luck! and happy hols everyone! cheers :)

'i want the sun back'

.ONE.

ONE =)

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...
Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One

To that someone who sent me this song, thank you :) After listening to it for a few times, it actually rings over and over again in this head of mine =)

Exams are looming, due dates are coming, but one thing's for sure, we'll all be there someday.

'..of never explaining yourself no matter what, cause those who matter don't need it, and those who don't just won't believe it' =)

signning off,

kyzd

realise it or not, it's your call really.

It's been a while. And i've been good. So far, it exceeds what i thought of myself. But at times, it all falls apart. A lil' unrelated maybe? I hope i'd know, so i don't just stop and shut down every now and then.

Secondhand Serenade - Your Call

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Tell me what to do, what to see, how to see and how to go from here. thank you.

signning off,

kyzd

sorry.but I'm back. for real.

'Where the hell have I been?!' That thought screwed my mind the moment it came up. It was exactly what I've been asking myself for the past..what? a few weeks? maybe even months? What was happening to me you ask? Trust me, i didn't know. All i know is my enthusiastic part sunk and vanished into thin air. It was like simple things that happened around me was affecting me.And the worst part is that I never was like that. I was never a pessimist. A bit by bit, as days went by, it got worse. And I just couldn't help it. I was a fool really. A fool of my own making. But i knew it. I knew the cause. I knew what I did wrong, where i went wrong, and when i went wrong. I should've known. Well, everyone and yeah, EVERYONE makes mistakes. Mistakes fill our lives up, whether we like it or not. And no matter what, now, I can look into the mirror and say, 'YEAP. I was foolish. But one can't be foolish for life eh? Everything has a start' =) Once again, some people would get this post more than what the others might. But whatever it is, life goes on. Thank you people and to those special few, you know who you are. Thanks for the knocking =) signning 'in' and off, kyzd "mistakes go a long way in life. and what matters most is not the consequences, but the values we all get from them, however excruciating they might be"

...of limitations, restrictions, and constraints.

The usual, some things hit us harder than we ever thought they would ; while some things, the other way round. Life's been nothing but the norm i guess, though implications of the things you're doing and also the ones you did seem to haunt u up to your neck at times. But yeah, it's been acceptable really.

Been thinking about some things for the past week. And after a week, i suppose, of disturbances, swings and god knows what else, i got back my senses as to what i was seeking for - the meaning of it. Well, ever had the thought of being superman? or superwoman? Be it Batman, Spiderman or whatever you would wanna call yourself, we all gotta wake up. One word, to me sums it all up. 'Limitations'. In life, personally looking at mine, I could easily find a lot of scenes where I, myself 'think' that i AM actually, a rubber band. Why a rubber band you ask? Well, rubber band - stretchable.

I've always been pushing myself to the limit in whatever i do, till the day that everything came crashing down on me, bearing a cruel reminder that I gotta have my own limitations as well. And I'm sure glad it did. I now realise. More than realise actually, you could say it was contextual with something 'dawning' upon me. Since we're all so well-versed with the fact that life doesn't go our way all the time, or well, maybe most of the time for some, limitations should be something that we familiarise ourselves with. We all have our limitations, no matter what we do. No matter what our aims are, no matter how we all plan to achieve them , or even simply not doing anything and just look at them, there ARE limitations for all those mentioned.

And what i realised most, is that sometimes when you stretch yourself too much, too much that the you actually cross the limit, and then if you aggravate things by 'forcing' you, yourself to sustain the strecthing, you will, one day, i believe break down. It's a just a matter of time. So before you actually do, remember, limitations are what makes us all human. Yeah, we can explore space, we can do this, do that, and at the end of the day, does it make a difference at all.We're still the normal pathetic beings (forgive me) we used to be, and are living it through, day after day. So, that implies how important realising something, someone or anything at all is to us. You'll never know what lies ahead, but just remember, we all have our limitations.

signning off,

kyzd

p.s - to those who don't get what i'm trying to say, I truly apologise. Fret not, you'll get what i mean eventually.

-I, myself regret. Limitations. Being fearless. Does it all come as one?-

"Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless. But still, is it ever?"

it rekindles.

A long weekend. Well, at least longer than usual. A 3-day break shall we say? Not having college on Monday, and only when i thought i'd welcome the respite, i was suprised at how 'unwelcoming' i was to the break. oh well, things happen for a reason, and we all feel things for a reason. so yeah. Life's been pretty much a roller coaster ride these days. The good, the bad and the evil. They all come in packages and yeah, all together, one shot more often than by itself. But it's good. It's all good and a days go by, i'm learning to be a better person =) and yes, i sure need to learn a lot, but time will tell. Will it ever? Cheers =)

There’s a little truth behind every ‘just kidding’, a little curiosity behind every ‘just wondering’, a little knowledge behind every ‘I don’t know’, a little emotion behind every ‘I don’t care’, and a little kick of lie behind the distant eyes of someone saying ‘I don’t love you.’

-stumbled upon this in sin toun's blog. gotta say i love it-

signning off,

kyzd

frustration kills. noticing helps.

You'd all but put the blame on your senses when you notice things, however minute they might be. Sometimes, it helps. Sometimes, noticing whatever it is that you did could change everything, and yes, everything. Changing everything, of course could mean for good or for worse. We'll never know. Life's predictably unpredictable and it sure does rhythm along with its ups and downs along the way. Fine, you noticed something that at some other time, or even better in someone else's position, was something that you could laugh off, that noticing it in the first place wasn't a big deal at all, and it'd never even the slightest bit bother you . But what if it puts you in the predicament that your dying to get out of? What if it catches you off guard and make you wanna scream your head off? Life's like that they say. And you just have to get along with it and all. Frankly, I'm puzzled. How true is it? Is it worth? Or is it not? Time tells, time heals. But what if time stops doing so? What would be left then? Don't mind me. I'm just freaking off the line right now.Urgh.

signning off,

kyzd

..simplicity really that simple?

wrong. right. wright?

Satisfied with my revisions for the day, i began to wonder. As i wondered, i thought. and i thought. Life has always been depicted as simple, and simple i thought, was from the way we see it, the way we put ourselves through it and the way we see others through it. it struck me that in order to view 'simplicity' , we go through our thoughts added with much deliberation in assessing what it really means.

After spending a few more minutes, i got myself a stand. And the way i see it, simplicity is achieved through a complexity of thoughts and what more so many other things that need not be mentioned, is simplicity really simple in context? 'Achieving simplicity is deceptively complex as it is a thoughtful process'. Though how hard i try to remain simple in my ways, i know , deep down inside, it's never gonna be that simple to be simple =) oh well, consider that some strings untied =P

signning off,

kyzd

yes i do. but it doesn't matter does it?

yes. i am frustrated. i am down. deep inside, i feel like dying. as if i can help it. bygones.

sometimes you see it, sometimes you just don't.

Mid-sem break! This one's welcomed really, especially after the last few weeks literally make me wanna admit that once again : I'm still coping with life..oh well =) Prep for topic tests filled the days that went by and yeah, though it was tiring , it was still memorable at the same time. Especially when u have great people around you to be serious and all quiet at the right times and yet, can go crazy within the span of a few seconds when it matters. =) all of you know who you are right, 2209? : )

College's been fun as always i guess, though at times i really felt like i've had enough of some things that had been happening. Let's just say some things are better left unsaid. and yes, i was disgusted. But people say what they want and it's really up to us whether to let it affect us or not, and after talking to a few close friends about it, I realised how stereotype I was about things. Been there, done that. What can't kill you wouldn't hurt you no more. So yeah, I'm feeling perfectly fine at the moment.

Will be back at AS from tomorrow onwards until the 30th of August. Will be coming back a few days earlier to Subang i guess. As usual, hate the rushing. =) Oh well, since i don't really feel like updating much, I'll be leaving it this way for a while. Maybe the next few days? Who knows? =P

signing off,

kyzd

breakeven. : )

I'll never forget. I'll never lose faith. And i'll never regret.

The Script - Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and your ok

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

(One still in love while the other ones leaving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains

Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got tI'me while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

(One still in love while the other ones leaving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

I know there's light. I see it, and I'm believing it. =)

'Keeping a secret itself is a secret decision'

Howdy people :) Firstly, I'm truly sorry for not updating the blog for quite a 'while' xD Been busy with adaptations in life and sort. Well, yeah, I'm already settled in at the International Education Centre a.k.a INTEC in Section 17 of Shah Alam. It's a conducive place to study and all really, with the companion of great people all around, so i'd say the start to college is so far, great =) Let's see, registration took place at Kolej Cendana in Section 6 , Shah Alam , and yeah, in case ur wondering i'll be staying there for a year before moving to Kolej Cemara/Akasia in Section 17 during my 2nd year. First impressions were bleak, honestly. But then , come to think of it now, I actually DO love it a lot ;) Like they say , it's the company that makes the difference rather than the surroundings :)

We got to choose our roommates. And there we were (Chia Soon and me) clueless as to who we wanted as our housemates. Were among the first to check into the apartments and got another 4 other great people as our housemates :D 'There's 2 from Kedah including me , 2 from Penang and another 2 from Sarawak in my apartment'. Yesh, that was my usual answer when people assked me about my housemates. Well, almost a month had passed since then, and frankly, I'm feeling freaking lucky to get such great roomies xD Firstly, Mok Zi Hong and Bernard Poh Yi Zhe from Chung Ling High , Penang , two great people =) Also, Dickson Tan Shih Peng and Tiong Chang Hwa from Sarawak =) Last but not least, all the way to college from high school, Ooi Chia Soon xD The 6 of us got along really well and now it's like so comfortable to be in the same apartment! Oh well, life and it's magic ;)

At INTEC, scholars are divided into a few groups namely A-Level Medicine (ALM) , A-Level German (ALG) , A-Level UK (ALUK) , Russian Programme , Korean Programme , Japan Programme , Ausmat (AUSMAT) , Middle East Programme (MEP) and American Degree Foundation Programme (ADFP). As for me, I'm in no other than ALM. Usually, majority of the scholars are in ALM. But, we're all in INTEC together, so no boundaries aite? ;) This year's batch is labelled as ALM 10, signifying the tenth batch of A-Level Medicine students. As for the segregation of classes, there are quite and we are all separated according to our respective destinations. As for me , I'm happily in 10M7 =) Everyone's been great so far, helping one another as we go along. Of course, not forgetting great friends from other classes as well =) Togetherness is virtue =P

Moving on to the facilities, INTEC is actually a pretty decent preparatory college. For instance, it's library. I personally don't mind spending my weeks in there as its big and so new =P Okay okay, i admit. I've been mugging books in the library for weeks now and i'm enjoying it xD Oh yeah, was selected to participate in the INTEC Inter Programme Games (INPRO). Represented ALM in basketball and yeah after days of night training , I'd say i had fun =) We missed the semis by a point difference, but all I gotta say is that I had fun with my team mates and that's what matters the most to me ;) As for now, I'm back home for a mid-sem break which was brought forward due to the spreading of the A(H1N1) at the main campus. Will be back in college at the end of the week :) Nothing to worry about really ;)

I guess that's about it for now. Gotta run off to my assignments now =P To everyone out there, take care aite?

signing off,

kyzd

P.S - It feels good to be home xD

it matters. it doesn't. it matters. does it?

'some memories were just meant to remain as they are'

It was 7pm, stopped, went down from the car, *snaps*. Done. And the photo remains to date. Well, it was taken quite some time back when i was in Form 4. I remembered feeling miserable at the time i took the picture. I was confused, mixed up , agitated. Say what you want , i'd have to admit, i wasn't really adapting well to the changes in Form 4. Certain things became different, more subjects to study (silly, i know =P) and all those petty issues that were bogging my mind were..yes..disturbing. And after looking at this picture that i took , i felt better. Somehow, looking at it reminds me that there's always hope in life. Hell, life's intrinsically made of hope in the first place :) without hope, would there be life? go figure :) Funny sometimes how pictures or even distant memories sometimes trigger this inner-panacea thing in our mind that spurs us on just the moment we need it. Funny, nevertheless true.

I've been rather busy preparing to go to International Education Centre (INTEC) in Shah Alam on the 28th of June. I'll be registering for A-Levels and frankly, i'm really looking forward to it. To meet new people, to rise up to the challenge of comprehending the syllabus, to engage in mind-broadening activities and not to forget, to meet up with some PKTR-ians who will be registering there as well xD I'll be at INTEC for 2 years and will hopefully be continuing tertiary life at International Medical University (IMU) for 2.5 years to complete my pre-clinical. The final 2.5 years after that , which would obviously be the clinical years would be done in either the UK , Australia , New Zealand , Canada or Ireland. It all depends on the results and everything. But oh well, that's a long way to go , and ahead, but yet, i'll gear myself up and be ready xD

Speaking bout getting ready for the challenges to come, there I was again, balancing the part and parcel in life. As always,'life's predictably unpredictable' :P When it doesn't come rolling our way, we just have to roll with IT.  Adapting's a part of life and sometimes, we can all say is, 'come on..it can't be that hard. I'll just adapt'. Yeah, adapt. Everyone can say that. But how many do it? or how many of us exactly that are able to adapt sufficiently well?? Personally, it's a matter of how we look at it, or how we look at life, to generalise it in a way. And no matter how we try to adapt sometimes, i just can't seem to make life around us any easier to comprehend. So what then? I'd say keep on trying!! Remember, courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes, courage can be the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'i'll try again tomorrow'. ;) So why not u say? Just keep going, and we'll all eventually get there somehow :)

If u feel inferior to others around you , do something to lessen the feeling. If ur suffering from some sort of depression , try knocking urself out of it by smiling more and thinking bout the positives in life because for all you know, all it takes for you to be content sometimes, is by looking back at how far you've made it in life, and more importantly, how close you are to ruining it with ur pessimism. worth it? You do the math :) But still, I'd say think about this first will ya? No matter who you are, what you do , be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind :)

Oh well, guess i'll have to stop all this string of thoughts about life for a while. Having a lot on my mind in terms or preparing for INTEC and all, but yeah, i'll survive xD To all of those reading, think a lil'  about what i've said, look into a mirror and ask urself a simple question when you have the time, 'am I who I am?' When you can smile at urself and be sure of ur answer, then yes, ur on track =)

signing off,

kyzd

p.s - this post is dedicated to people I know that are facing issues in life no matter how petty or big they might seem. Bear in mind, when you feel hopeless, just remember that life's made of hope :)