Firstly, life after SPM has been pretty okay.I keep feeling so weird that there's not much to do nowadays.It's like everything has just gone away - the pressured, positive mentality, the alertness, the eveready inspirational adrenaline pump of some sort, and all those mindsets before SPM. it's all gone.I'd be stupid if I even thought of finding it again, but yeah..i did try..To no avail i would say, i gave up.I'll just let nature take it's path and see where it leads me i guess..
My vacation with my family in Hong Kong was as pleasant as i expected it to be.In Hong Kong, i actually thought about a lot of things..my favourite quote : 'how things revolve around us, or how we revolve around those things itself, which leads to the life we all have" . That particular quote actually got stuck in my head practically the whole time i was in HK..Related it to lotsa things happening around me as well as in the lives of other, but then i found no answers whatsoever that seemed a satisfactory to the questions relating to that quote plaguing my mind all this while..well, life's a b**** neways..
Usually, i prefer to start a blog or whatever it is i'm working on just with a short note.But this time's a total turnaround i think. I have loads of things i wanna blog about but there's just no endings to how i want to actually express them out..i think i'm just having another dilemma about personality issues again, the very same thing that bothered me before SPM! LOL..i'll just opt for the choice i've been preferring to anything else lately - leave it and see how it goes.
Moving on to something a lil' more serious, does any of u know how it feels when u really have the passion to do something but ur not sure whether u'd be able to do it?? or whether anything outta ur aim would just come and distract u from the road ur actually supposed to take in life?? i'll just keep that in my head for a while..haha..here's the summary of this thingy bothering me ;
- I've been really passionate about become a medicine practitioner since i was young , since 5 years old i think. As naive as i was back then, that 'childhood ambition of mine got serious as time passed'.
- I tried to excel in everything i do, applying pressure to myself most of the time when it matters just to pave a way for me to realise my dream.
- Now, when i'm older , i realise that things in life doesn't always go ur way - (the metaphor on having ups and downs in life? i'll just crap that outta context for now..)
- Due to some 'unforseen' circumstances (eg. horrible competition or maybe a sense of unfairness, etc.) , i may not be able to do medicine in university or anything even close to that.For those people around me, u understand what i mean.
- Then, i got some Petronas interview for a Civil Engineering scholarship although i didn't apply for it.It caught me off guard and i was literally 'separated' into 2 halves, one that wanted to go, and one that did NOT.
- What if i don't get the chance to get any scholarships for medicine cause i end up screwing my SPM results??! where do i go from here? should i opt for passion or just some mere opportunity that comes my way??
- In the end , i rejected it, not knowing what got me the courage to do it since i'm not really confident i'll be able to get a scholarship in anything for myself when the results are announced..
- and then, it all comes in my mind and get stuck in it again - whether i made the right choice? or did i not?? I DON'T HAVE A CLUE.
P.S - i just realised how much i missed blogging XD
Signing off,
kyzd
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